How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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