Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
