im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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