I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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