I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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