So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
