She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
