I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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