The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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