you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We were destined to go to rehab together
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
