Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
