Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
