Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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