you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
