New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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