she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
