i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize