Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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