So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
