it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
