Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
