i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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