im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
