I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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