after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
