What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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