my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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