girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize