I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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