i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
