this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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