i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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