i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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