Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
