my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
