The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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