I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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