I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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