I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
