so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
