I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
