so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize