Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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