I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
