I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
