why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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