I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
