why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
