I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
