is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
