dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
