if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize