after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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