Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
