wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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