okay pat passed out under dana's car
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
