finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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