So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
