I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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