cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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