is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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