just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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