i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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