I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
