His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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