Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
